Ages 3 to 5: Why, why, why? Questions, fears and imagination

Somewhere around three, the questions start and do not stop. Your child's imagination takes off, and with it come new fears, invented friends and some very big questions about family.

What is going on at this stage

Language and thinking are growing fast. Your child is starting to understand that other people have their own thoughts and feelings. A vivid imagination makes pretend play rich, but also makes the dark full of monsters. This is also the age when many children first notice that families look different, and start asking about their mum.

How to spot it

• Constant questions, often at bedtime or in the car.

• Fears of the dark, noises or being alone at night.

• Imaginary friends and long pretend games.

• Tall stories that mix wishes and reality. This is not lying in the adult sense.

• Comparing their family with friends' families at nursery or preschool.

What to do

• Answer questions honestly, simply and at their level. It is fine to say “I do not know, let us find out.”

• When they ask about their mum, give a short, true answer and let them come back to it. They will ask again, and each answer can grow as they do.

• Take night fears seriously. A nightlight and a calm, predictable bedtime routine help. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends 10 to 13 hours in 24 hours for this age, naps included.

• Join in with pretend play. Let them lead and follow the story.

• Read together every day. It builds language and gives you a calm, close routine.

Going it alone

In your child's eyes, you are now both parents. Around celebrations such as Mother's Day, have a quiet word with nursery staff in advance so your child can make a card for you, a relative or another special person, rather than feeling left out.

When to get extra help

Speak to your doctor or child health service if your child's speech is hard for others to understand, if fears or sleep problems are severe and lasting, or if they seem withdrawn or unsettled after a loss or change in the family.

This post offers general guidance and signposting, not professional advice. If you are worried about your child, trust your instincts and speak to a health professional.