Ages 13 to 16: Teenagers: identity, risk and the closed bedroom door

Solo Dad Tribe

3 hours ago

2 min read

The teenage years bring late nights, strong opinions and decisions that can make you hold your breath. Your job changes from being in charge to being the steady adult they can always come back to.

What is going on at this stage

The parts of the teenage brain that respond to reward and excitement are very active, while the areas that handle planning and impulse control keep developing into the mid twenties, according to the US National Institute of Mental Health. Teenagers are working out who they are and care deeply about what friends think. Their body clock also shifts later, so late nights and hard mornings are partly biological.

How to spot it

Staying up late and struggling to get up.
Taking more risks, especially with friends around.
Arguments about rules, freedom and fairness.
Exam stress and worries about the future.
More secrecy and new friendship groups.

What to do

Be the calm one in an argument. You can hold a boundary without matching their volume.
Agree rules and consequences in advance, not in the heat of the moment.
Know where they are and who with, without needing every detail.
Offer a no questions asked pickup: they can call you at any time to be collected, and you talk about it the next day.
Protect sleep where you can. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends 8 to 10 hours a night for teenagers.
Talk openly about alcohol, drugs, consent and relationships before they come up.

Going it alone

With no second parent to share the load, it helps to bring in other trusted adults your teenager respects, such as a coach, teacher, uncle or family friend. Look after yourself too. Being the steady adult is much easier when you are not running on empty.

When to get extra help

Get support from your doctor or the school if your teenager withdraws from everyone, stops going to school, shows signs of drug or alcohol problems, or you see any sign they may be hurting themselves.

This post offers general guidance and signposting, not professional advice. If you are worried about your child, trust your instincts and speak to a health professional.