Ages 5 to 7: Starting school: rules, friendships and fairness

Starting school is one of the biggest changes in a young child's life. They are learning new rules, making friends and holding it together all day, which often means falling apart when they get home.

What is going on at this stage

Your child is entering a structured world with rules, routines and lots of other children. Fairness suddenly matters enormously. Friendships start to feel important, and your child begins to notice how they fit in. Holding in their feelings all day at school is tiring, so home is where it comes out.

How to spot it

• Meltdowns after school, even when the teacher says they were fine.

• “It is not fair!” about almost anything.

• Worry about getting things wrong or being told off.

• Friendship fallouts that feel huge to them.

• Noticing that their family is different and asking why.

What to do

• Expect after school tiredness. Offer a snack and some downtime before asking about their day.

• Ask specific questions such as “What made you laugh today?” rather than “How was school?”

• Give them simple jobs and a visual routine for mornings and bedtime. It builds independence and reduces arguments.

• When they say something is unfair, explain your reasons calmly. You do not have to change your decision.

• Tell your child's teacher about your family situation so the school can support them. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends 9 to 12 hours of sleep a night from age six.

Going it alone

The school gate can feel like somewhere you do not quite belong. Join the class parent group anyway. Other parents are a valuable source of lift shares, play dates and backup when you have no grandparents nearby. Breakfast and after school clubs can also help with childcare around work.

When to get extra help

Talk to the school and your doctor if your child is regularly reluctant or frightened to go to school, if the teacher raises concerns about learning, or if worry is getting in the way of everyday life.

This post offers general guidance and signposting, not professional advice. If you are worried about your child, trust your instincts and speak to a health professional.