Weekend Dads: making handovers easier for everyone

Solo Dad Tribe

2 hours ago

2 min read

Weekend Dads series: for dads whose children live mainly with their mum and spend weekends or part of the week with you. If you are raising your children full time, see our Stage by Stage guides.

For many weekend dads, the hardest moments are not the weekends themselves but the pickups and drop offs. Tears at the door, awkward doorsteps and children who take hours to settle are all very common.

What is going on

Handovers are transitions, and transitions are hard for children. They are leaving one parent to go to the other, often with mixed feelings about both. Younger children may cry or cling. Older children may go quiet, act up or seem distant for the first few hours. It is rarely about you. It is about the change.

How it shows up

Tears or clinging when you collect them, or when you drop them back.
A grumpy or unsettled first evening with you.
Your child being “fine” with you but upset once they get back to Mum's.
Tension or arguments between the adults at the door.
Forgotten school bags, medicines or favourite toys causing stress.

What to do

Keep handovers short, calm and friendly. The doorstep is not the place to sort out disagreements.
Use a neutral handover point, such as school or a café, if the doorstep is tense.
Give your child a predictable first hour with you: the same snack, the same routine, no big plans.
Keep a checklist for what travels between homes, and a spare set of essentials at yours.
Tell your child when they will see you next before you say goodbye, and stick to it.
Expect a wobble on both sides of the handover, and do not read it as a sign they do not want to be with you.

Making your time count

Reliability is the biggest gift you can give. Turning up on time, every time, tells your children they can count on you, and that matters more than anything you plan for the weekend.

When to get extra help

If handovers regularly involve conflict in front of the children, or your child is very distressed before every visit, consider mediation or a family support service. If you have any concerns about your child's safety, get advice straight away.

This post offers general guidance and signposting, not professional or legal advice. If you are worried about your child's safety or wellbeing, speak to a health professional, and seek legal advice for questions about contact arrangements.