Weekend Dads: two homes, one childhood

Solo Dad Tribe

2 hours ago

2 min read

Weekend Dads series: for dads whose children live mainly with their mum and spend weekends or part of the week with you. If you are raising your children full time, see our Stage by Stage guides.

Different bedtimes, different screen rules, different food. Children moving between two homes often live under two sets of rules, and it can cause friction in both.

What is going on

Children can cope with some differences between homes, just as they cope with different rules at school and at a friend's house. What unsettles them is inconsistency within a home, or being caught between parents who openly disagree. The goal is not identical homes, but a few shared basics and a calm, predictable routine at yours.

How it shows up

“Mum lets me stay up later” or “At Mum's I am allowed…”
Your child testing rules more at the start of each visit.
Tiredness or grumpiness on return because routines slipped.
Homework or reading left undone because it fell between homes.
Feeling like the rule breaker or the strict one.

What to do

Try to agree a few basics with their mum, such as bedtimes on school nights, screen limits and homework.
Where you cannot agree, keep your own rules calm and consistent: “In this house, we do it this way.”
Keep routines at yours predictable, especially bedtime, even at weekends.
Make time for homework and reading so they do not fall through the gap between homes.
Do not criticise the other home's rules in front of your child.
Give them things that stay at yours, such as their own toothbrush, pyjamas and books, so they are not packing their life every weekend.

Making your time count

Your home does not need to be the same as their mum's. It needs to feel like theirs. A room, a drawer, a shelf or even a box of their own things tells them they belong there, not that they are visiting.

When to get extra help

If differences between homes are causing serious conflict, or your child is struggling at school or with sleep, speak to the school or a family support service. Mediation can help parents agree shared basics.

This post offers general guidance and signposting, not professional or legal advice. If you are worried about your child's safety or wellbeing, speak to a health professional, and seek legal advice for questions about contact arrangements.