Weekend Dads: more than the fun dad

Weekend Dads series: for dads whose children live mainly with their mum and spend weekends or part of the week with you. If you are raising your children full time, see our Stage by Stage guides.

When you only have the children for two days, it is tempting to fill every minute with treats and trips. It is sometimes called being a “Disneyland dad”, and while it comes from love, it can leave everyone worn out and you on the outside of everyday life.

What is going on

Children need fun, but they also need an ordinary parent: someone who helps with homework, sets limits, notices when they are sad and knows their friends' names. Constant treats can also make the return to Mum's harder, and put pressure on you, your wallet and your relationship with their mum.

How it shows up

• Every weekend planned around outings and treats.

• Your child expecting presents or a trip each time.

• Avoiding rules or telling off because time feels too precious.

• Children coming back to Mum's overtired and unsettled.

• You feeling you do not really know what is going on in their week.

What to do

• Build in ordinary time: cooking together, a walk, homework, doing nothing much.

• Keep the same boundaries you would if they lived with you full time.

• Plan one special thing a weekend, not five.

• Give them small responsibilities at yours, such as helping with a meal or looking after a plant, so they feel part of the house.

• Ask about their week, their friends and their worries, and remember the answers next time.

• Accept that some weekends will be boring. That is normal family life, and it is good for them.

Making your time count

What children remember most is not the trips. It is being known. A dad who remembers the name of their best friend, asks how the spelling test went and sits through a bad day with them is worth more than any day out.

When to get extra help

If money pressure is building from trying to keep weekends special, look at free local activities and family discount schemes. If your child seems unhappy or withdrawn, talk to their mum and the school together.

This post offers general guidance and signposting, not professional or legal advice. If you are worried about your child's safety or wellbeing, speak to a health professional, and seek legal advice for questions about contact arrangements.